the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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