I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize