9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
