If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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