found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
