i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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