you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
