you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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