watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
