Your dad touched me again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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