How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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