Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize