i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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