meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
