im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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