she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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