i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
