She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
