Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We had sex on a dog bed..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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