I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
