I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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