Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Randomize
