I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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