I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
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