That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
