wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
