my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
