please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize