i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
