based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I had your ass I would rule the world
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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