Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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