I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
