the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Floor bacon is actually really good
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
