I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
