But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
