So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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