maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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