No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
