It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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