apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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