he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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