Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
