I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
and you fell through a lawn chair
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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