Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
so much tequila, so little girl.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize