I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
