just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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