Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Pants 0. Shit 1.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
