those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
