No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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