that's an acceptable place to lick
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize