Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
