And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
