it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
