Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
