so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
