somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
