Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
