What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
