whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
