Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
