he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize