Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
