I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize