Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
