ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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