Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
