Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
