i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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