Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
