hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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