Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
