When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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