i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
