He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
