people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
