I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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