So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
