Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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