I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize