Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
