I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
