her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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