so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize