my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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