Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize