Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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