my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
