We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
