just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
