You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
