two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
